guru-fodder.com

« Top 5 Firefox Addons For Flock | Home | Bloggers Appreciation Day »

Scarlet Pimpernel Marketing - How To Avoid All Of The Longer Term Problems Of An Online Business

By TheAntiHype | April 3, 2008

Hi, I don't remember seeing you here before. If you're new here, welcome. If you despise the hype on the net as much as me & like a laugh, keep up to date with my latest posts by subscribing to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting! The Anti Hype

Let me introduce you to Phil McLikbanck.

Phil was brought to my attention by our long suffering friend Homer.

Once again Homer thinks he has found the pot of gold and the “no work” easy answer but I fear the worst.

YOU WILL ALREADY KNOW PHIL, or someone very much like him. We know them as Bad Gurus. Phil has one objective in life - fill his ClickBank account. A very worthy objective - provided it is not done at the expense of someone elses dreams and aspirations.

Enter Homer.

Homer, you’ll know by now loves the illusion of the internet lifestyle:

He is, however, still torn between working in his pajamas or underpants. He has read conflicting sales letters and is currently erring towards long johns with a pajama jacket. Kinda likes to hedge his bets.

He still believes, despite the thousands he has spend on manuals, e-books, e-courses, podcasts, seminars, software, mentors, not to mention night attire, that there is one hidden method where riches will fall into his pajama clad lap without any work being necessary.

On his endless quest this week he responded to an email from one of the 98,343 lists he has subscribed to, and bought:

“Scarlet Pimpernel Marketing”

The Sales Letter

The usual heart wrenching story of the orphan, born with one leg shorter than the other. For this poor unfortunate soul the problem was compounded because his other leg was also longer!

With no guide in early life he fell into a life of depravity and spent 20 years of his teenage years in and out of institutions. Math was never his strong point.

Fortunately he learned to tell a good tale and made some great friends along the way - read any of the testimonials!

Despite his background he miraculously stumbled across a method of making money online that until today has been kept secret.

It is time that Phil McLikbanck, for that is his name, repaid the world and helped everyone else now he has made his fortune as evidenced by the blurred out images of Paypal Accounts and Clickbank statements . The blurring is so good there are no names ( Data Protection issues), no amounts, the bank wouldn’t like it and no numbers of visitors, Google wouldn’t like it. But the evidence is plain for all to see.

So Scarlet Pimpernel Marketing is a must for anyone starting out, regardless of background. Sign up today for the immediate discount (it can be removed at any time naturally) and by tea and muffin time tomorrow you’ll be sitting in your good old jimmyjams watching the money roll in.

The risk is all Phil McLikbanck’s of course. If you’re not a millionaire within 28 days there’s a 100% refund, no questions asked.

A click swipe of Homers forehead chip and the deal was done.

“Marge, Marge” a frustrated Homer calls to his long suffering wife. How do I download this Scarlet Pimpernel Marketing manual? Maybe it’s too big to get through the telephone line. They were promising a massive package.

An email was received thanking Homer for the purchase and telling him to log in using the User Name and Password already emailed. Never received and no contact details on the sales page to chase up.

Marge suggests he responds to the email. Doesn’t work - just an auto-responder message with no mailbox attached. Fortunately, within minutes another email arrives promoting the must have accompaning product for Scarlet Pimpernel Marketing - The online Sherlock Holmes Tracker device. While waiting to find the login details Homer decides he needs to take advantage of this never to be repeated offer.

28 days have since passed and still Homer has not downloaded Scarlet Pimpernel Marketing. He has been unable to contact Phil McLikbanck despite the best efforts of the Sherlock Holmes Tracker device, which seeks him here, it seeks him there, but Homer is sure he’ll fulfil his obligation under the money back guarantee, even though the guarantee period has ended - he seems such a nice guy, particularly with his poor background.

It must be just a technical fault because he still keeps in touch by email about other products. In fact he’s just about to launch Claret Pimpernel Marketing. Very similar but updated to encompass the change on Google, Yahoo, Alexa ranking issues.

Homer will buy it no doubt!

The Conclusion

Phil McLikbanck has fallen into the trap of expensive lifestyle, houses, cars, personal pyjama tailor, typical online guru stuff.

He has no long term sustainable business so has to do a big launch / re-launch to generate big cash flow. He has and shows no care for his customers, to him they are just guru fodder and cLikbanck (sic) fillers.

Homer, is clutching at his dream and loves to believe the solution is the next credit card entry away. If he would just stop buying and act on just one of the programs he has already bought he would see what he needs to do - Take Action!

As long as there are Homers there will be Phils!

Beware, there may be a Phil near you.

The characters in this post are, of course, fictional and none of this would happen in real life… or would it?

The Anti Hype

Thanks to Randy at Internet Starting Steps for inspiring this post

Tags: , , , , , ,

Topics: Bad Gurus, Fun, General Guru Fodder, Google Ranking, Guru Fodder Terminology, Humour, Marketing, Pajamas, Sales Hype, The Anti Hype, Traffic Strategies |

Viewing 3 Comments

Trackbacks

blog comments powered by Disqus