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Homer Gets Sick In The Free Deal That Wasn’t
By TheAntiHype | May 6, 2008
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Homer Wants An Ice-Cream
Sitting at his PC, adorned as always in his perfectly ironed pseudo satin pajamas, Homer heard the distant chimes of the Ice Cream Man’s Van.
Could he afford the time away from the world he inhabited? The cut and thrust of the Make Money Online the Bad Guru way? Surely, 2 minutes wouldn’t be a problem.
He called to his adoring wife “Marge, I want an ice-cream”
“Get it yourself” came the loving reply, for Marge had frankly lost interest in Homer and his desires.
And so began the sad, sad story of Homer and the Ice Cream Vendor.
The Ice Cream Vendor Mantra - Don’t Move The Van Until You Sell Something
Hiding the smirk from his face (the sight of Homer in his pajamas is not one for sore eyes) the Ice Cream man launched into his sales patter…
“It’s your lucky day - I’m giving away Ice Cream today, you just have to buy the cone”
“So it’s a large cone for you is it sir?”
“Now before you go, if you buy another ice cream (full price) you can have all five in my range - vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, tutti-frutti and passion fruit and mango”
“What do you mean “no thanks I’ll pass on that offer - I know I’ll only ever be asked this once?”
“Now before you go…”
He was begining to sound repetitive and somewhat like some guys we all know.
“…if you buy 5 out of my range, you’ll get them for the price of 1″
Even to poor old Homer, hardened by the daily online pitching he subjected himself to, he saw this was going to end in tears. He only wanted one ice-cream and Marge hated the stuff. He watched as the melting vanilla ice-dream dribbled down the side of his cornet and the ice-cream man launched into his final pitch…
“Look, you cannot lose. You have my 30 day, money back guarantee. This is a never to be repeated offer. You take your pick from my catalog of top-selling ice-creams. You get the 5 for the price of one deal. Pay a little more and you get chocolate chips, strawberry sprinkles, raspberry sauce, chocolate sauce, maple syrup, jelly diamonds and I’ll throw in two chocolate flakes as my extra special fast action bonus.”
Now that sounded like a Homer deal.
And then the clincher…
“Sign up today and I’ll be back every week with more. All you need to do is complete this recurring credit card payment voucher and…”
Marge Is Not Amused
“Homer, you’ve been in there for two hours. What is the matter?”
Emerging from the bathroom looking slightly green and decidedly drawn Homer still managed to exude the look of someone pleased with themselves.
“Marge, you won’t believe the deal I’ve just done” he screeched triumphantly.
“I think I might” mumbled the less than amused Marge, picking a red, maple syrup stained jelly diamond from off the collar of his now crumpled pajama jacket.
“I’ve arranged delivery of ice-cream every week for a year - no more looking for loose change - it’s all on recurring credit card payments, we get 5 for the price of one and every topping you can imagine”
“Homer, you went out for a small vanilla cone! You’ve been taken in again - you’ve bought stuff you don”t need, stuff you don’t like and stuff you’ll never use AND you’ve agreed to pay monthly for all this stuff with a guy you’ve never seen before and in all likelihood will never see again. Did you get his contact details or his van’s registration number?”
Marge, was becoming very experienced!
“He didn’t have any contact details and I was in such a rush to make sure I got everything he was offering, it just kept coming at me thick and fast and I didn’t want to miss anything and when I looked up the van was gone.”
Marge raised her bushy eyebrows - her days of making herself look her best for Homer had disappeared shortly after the Pyramid Selling fiasco in Egypt - and she sat at Homer’s PC to ask someone, somewhere to beam Homer up - somewhere!! And there was the sales pitch…
The free product, the OK take your pick from my range, buy this, I’ll add that, what about this, and a few of those - it mirrored the Ice Cream man’s pitch. Was the ice cream man really a Bad Guru?
Homer’s hard drive was so clogged up with stuff he didn’t want, didn’t need but it was free, cheap, not to be missed, a One Time Offer, an OK so you can’t afford it but here’s a discount offer and if you get that I’ll throw in my bonus pack. It looked just like that mess of an ice cream he came in with a few hours ago!
Marge thought it was all bull.
And it was just at that point Marge had her idea.
… to be continued. Don’t miss out on Marge’s idea. Sign up to the Guru-Fodder RSS feed above.
The Anti Hype
P.S. This post was inspired by a real life “pitch” I received only this week!
photo credit: david.nikonvscanon
Topics: Bad Gurus, Fun, Humour, Pajamas, Sales Hype, The Anti Hype |
May 7th, 2008 at 1:24 am
Bad Gurus and Ice cream. Only Homer would fall for this.
I am really looking forward to Marge’s revenge. Thanks for the laugh. Sad part though is we have all met those gurus.
Denise’s last blog post..Create a Hanging Strawberry Basket - Unique and Functional Garden Basket
Homer is one of those people chasing a dream and is ready to believe anyone with a good story. There are millions like him - looking for a way out of their present situation. It’s just they don’t all need sprinkles and maple syrup!! Mark
May 8th, 2008 at 1:23 am
I have unsubscribed from all the Ice Cream Sales guru’s out there….life is far more productive.
There is no magic bullet, its just as you say ..a lot of hype.
Good article and I hope Homer learned from this lesson.
Thanks Teri. I’m amazed at how many I’ve unsubscribed from but the messages still keep coming!!
As for Homer - I’m sure he’ll be back when he’s fully digested his ice cream extravaganza!! Mark
May 9th, 2008 at 10:53 am
Hey AH,
At least Homer ate his ice cream that is a lot more than a lot of people do with their special one time never to be repeated purchases.
Randy The Hermit’s last blog post..Time or Money, which is it?
That is very true - it was because Marge is getting knowledgeable about his ways and he needs to hide what he is up to. But does Marge really know?? Mark
May 10th, 2008 at 6:02 pm
The ice cream man sounds all too familiar
Did I get the icecream, just once but soon found the bitter core
Niche Traffic Generation’s last blog post..Get Your Free Cool Affiliate Marketing Tools
I think we’ve all had one of those ice-creams - unfortunately there are far too many people who get a liking for them!! Mark