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Internet Marketing Newbies Are Idiots - Official
By TheAntiHype | February 28, 2008
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One of Guru Fodder’s loyal subscribers today told me about an email current doing the rounds, which has stirred me into an agitated state.
Imagine a small store in which Bad Guru (played by Michael Palin) is behind the desk and a hapless Guru Fodder (played by John Cleese) wanders in.
(For those not old enough, the scene is The Parrot Sketch by Monty Python)
Grab your popcorn and…
“Good morning, can I help you?”
“Er, yes, but I’m not sure what I need because I’m just learning”
“Excellent, you’ve definitely come to the right place. Just so we both know where we stand I’m going to call you “newbie” - no, you don’t have any say in the matter”
“Will I get rich over night using your product?”
“Absolutely, guaranteed, you idiot”
“Sorry, did you say idiot?”
“Yes, we refer to all “newbies” as idiots. We see it as a term of endearment, well, when I say that what I really mean is that because we’ll just take your money and don’t care whether you make any money or not we think you’re all idiots.”
“I’m not sure I like the sound of that”
“Never mind the terminology - everyone uses it you know - if it doesn’t work within a few weeks we’ll launch another, bigger, better, more expensive program that won’t work either. The great thing about this process is you’re a newbie, actually I’ll stick to idiot, and you don’t know that nothing works overnight. Still why would you? With all of us Bad Gurus telling everyone that an internet business is easy, in fact you can work in your underclothes, it is so easy to forget that you actually have to do something yourself. Whoops, I let something slip there but since your an idiot you probably didn’t notice”
“OK, I see there’s a money back guarantee”
“Oh, yes, we always offer that. Most people forget where they got the product anyway, find it very difficult to track us down and generally don’t do much with the product other than take a quick look and decide “I’ll really get into this next week”. Of course, time ticks on, and by the time they look at the product, if they ever do, the guarantee period has expired. If I say so myself, the concept is brilliant. You idiots think your getting a great guarantee but we seldom have to action it”
“I’m not sure, but your so convincing and since you’re promising the world and I can get my money back I’ll give it a go”
Yes, my Guru Fodder friends, one Bad Guru has, apparently, officially declared that internet marketing “newbies” are idiots!
Two insults in one! A “newbie” and an “idiot”.
I guess the thinking is - if you get the details out of the way upfront there’s no point complaining when, whatever it is, doesn’t work! As a self-proclaimed idiot - what can you expect - Sir.
Thanks Mr Guru, now where do I pay for your wonderful product?
The Anti Hype
Topics: Bad Gurus, Fun, General Guru Fodder, Humour |
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