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Internet Marketing Newbies Are Idiots – Official
By TheAntiHype | February 28, 2008
Hi, I don't remember seeing you here before. If you're new here, welcome. If you despise the hype on the net as much as me & like a laugh, keep up to date with my latest posts by subscribing to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting! The Anti Hype
One of Guru Fodder’s loyal subscribers today told me about an email current doing the rounds, which has stirred me into an agitated state.
Imagine a small store in which Bad Guru (played by Michael Palin) is behind the desk and a hapless Guru Fodder (played by John Cleese) wanders in.
(For those not old enough, the scene is The Parrot Sketch by Monty Python)
Grab your popcorn and…
“Good morning, can I help you?”
“Er, yes, but I’m not sure what I need because I’m just learning”
“Excellent, you’ve definitely come to the right place. Just so we both know where we stand I’m going to call you “newbie” – no, you don’t have any say in the matter”
“Will I get rich over night using your product?”
“Absolutely, guaranteed, you idiot”
“Sorry, did you say idiot?”
“Yes, we refer to all “newbies” as idiots. We see it as a term of endearment, well, when I say that what I really mean is that because we’ll just take your money and don’t care whether you make any money or not we think you’re all idiots.”
“I’m not sure I like the sound of that”
“Never mind the terminology – everyone uses it you know – if it doesn’t work within a few weeks we’ll launch another, bigger, better, more expensive program that won’t work either. The great thing about this process is you’re a newbie, actually I’ll stick to idiot, and you don’t know that nothing works overnight. Still why would you? With all of us Bad Gurus telling everyone that an internet business is easy, in fact you can work in your underclothes, it is so easy to forget that you actually have to do something yourself. Whoops, I let something slip there but since your an idiot you probably didn’t notice”
“OK, I see there’s a money back guarantee”
“Oh, yes, we always offer that. Most people forget where they got the product anyway, find it very difficult to track us down and generally don’t do much with the product other than take a quick look and decide “I’ll really get into this next week”. Of course, time ticks on, and by the time they look at the product, if they ever do, the guarantee period has expired. If I say so myself, the concept is brilliant. You idiots think your getting a great guarantee but we seldom have to action it”
“I’m not sure, but your so convincing and since you’re promising the world and I can get my money back I’ll give it a go”
Yes, my Guru Fodder friends, one Bad Guru has, apparently, officially declared that internet marketing “newbies” are idiots!
Two insults in one! A “newbie” and an “idiot”.
I guess the thinking is – if you get the details out of the way upfront there’s no point complaining when, whatever it is, doesn’t work! As a self-proclaimed idiot – what can you expect – Sir.
Thanks Mr Guru, now where do I pay for your wonderful product?
The Anti Hype
Topics: Bad Gurus, Fun, General Guru Fodder, Humour | 14 Comments »
February 28th, 2008 at 8:19 am
Ha Ha!
Brilliantly funny. I laughed for 10 minutes. I'd love to see Palin and Cleese do this adaption on TV for real.
Mark's last blog post..Dangerous Dates
Thanks Mark – If anyone knows the Pythons please send them my way! Mark
February 28th, 2008 at 8:25 am
In terms of the internet I am a newbie, but I am no idiot. And yes, I have received a promotion for a program that used this language and worse.
I really enjoy your posts. You tell it like it is and offer real “free” information. Not the free with the price tag. Great article!
Denise's last blog post..Victory Garden Contest announces Grand prize winner
Thanks Denise. When there are so many really good sources of quality information on the internet I'm amazed that these tactics actually work. It gives me something to write about. Now on to the TV series… Mark
February 28th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
Ha Ha!
Brilliantly funny. I laughed for 10 minutes. I’d love to see Palin and Cleese do this adaption on TV for real.
Mark’s last blog post..Dangerous Dates
Thanks Mark – If anyone knows the Pythons please send them my way! Mark
February 28th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
In terms of the internet I am a newbie, but I am no idiot. And yes, I have received a promotion for a program that used this language and worse.
I really enjoy your posts. You tell it like it is and offer real “free” information. Not the free with the price tag. Great article!
Denise’s last blog post..Victory Garden Contest announces Grand prize winner
Thanks Denise. When there are so many really good sources of quality information on the internet I’m amazed that these tactics actually work. It gives me something to write about. Now on to the TV series… Mark
February 28th, 2008 at 10:22 am
That is it precisely, in this world no one returns anything even with the money back guarantee. Thats what they count on, that you will forget or find it totally useless but are too lazy to return it and get your hard earned money back. These programs are all marketed with a great deal of hype, and hot air usually the product itself is just a guide on information you can get on the net for free. Its a billion dollar industry so there must be enough idiots out there * sorry, that pay cash for it.
I should know I have seen, heard, and tested most of them, and its alot of hot air.
Good post, and I love John Cleese- that would certainly be a popular video! Three cheers!!!
Teri's last blog post..Labrador Retreivers – Are they the Right Dog for Me?
Hi Teri, thanks for your comment. Yes, I'm sure we've all read the sales letter & the tesimonials & the guarantee & seen the proof & got our cards out!! I'm all for people making money but not when others are exploited in the process. Mark
February 28th, 2008 at 10:46 am
HI Mark W!
Yes it's very funny!! But for me I give a force laugh 'Yellow', I just purchase 2 programs:
Instant Article Wizard from Jonathan Leger, but I cant have the code to open it!!!2 mails sent, no answer yet.
And Real Link Finder from Neil Shearing, that I have already in annother sofware!!
)))
Nice post anyway.
I dont know how to bookmark your site? Nobody tell so far.
Jean-Pierre Courel
Jean-Pierre's last blog post..Stop Smoking – Easy Way To Stop Smoking – How I did It
Hi Jean-Pierre, we've all been there! Please don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying all products are bad, far from it there are some excellent products available, I'm referring to the tactics used to sell them and the sometimes poor quality that simply does not live up to the promise. Good luck with your endeavours & thanks for your comment. Mark
February 28th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
That is it precisely, in this world no one returns anything even with the money back guarantee. Thats what they count on, that you will forget or find it totally useless but are too lazy to return it and get your hard earned money back. These programs are all marketed with a great deal of hype, and hot air usually the product itself is just a guide on information you can get on the net for free. Its a billion dollar industry so there must be enough idiots out there * sorry, that pay cash for it.
I should know I have seen, heard, and tested most of them, and its alot of hot air.
Good post, and I love John Cleese- that would certainly be a popular video! Three cheers!!!
Teri’s last blog post..Labrador Retreivers – Are they the Right Dog for Me?
Hi Teri, thanks for your comment. Yes, I’m sure we’ve all read the sales letter & the tesimonials & the guarantee & seen the proof & got our cards out!! I’m all for people making money but not when others are exploited in the process. Mark
February 28th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
HI Mark W!
Yes it’s very funny!! But for me I give a force laugh ‘Yellow’, I just purchase 2 programs:
Instant Article Wizard from Jonathan Leger, but I cant have the code to open it!!!2 mails sent, no answer yet.
And Real Link Finder from Neil Shearing, that I have already in annother sofware!!
)))
Nice post anyway.
I dont know how to bookmark your site? Nobody tell so far.
Jean-Pierre Courel
Jean-Pierre’s last blog post..Stop Smoking – Easy Way To Stop Smoking – How I did It
Hi Jean-Pierre, we’ve all been there! Please don’t misunderstand me, I’m not saying all products are bad, far from it there are some excellent products available, I’m referring to the tactics used to sell them and the sometimes poor quality that simply does not live up to the promise. Good luck with your endeavours & thanks for your comment. Mark
February 28th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
Yes Mark, I understood that way!
)))
It's us to bee smart enough to buy the best!!
Jean-Pierre
Jean-Pierre's last blog post..Stop Smoking – Easy Way To Stop Smoking – How I did It
Oh yes. That is definitely the right way – BUT many of us don't know which is the best to buy! As time goes by I'll be talking about the programs / books that are useful and not the usual drivel. Mark
February 28th, 2008 at 10:49 pm
Yes Mark, I understood that way!
)))
It’s us to bee smart enough to buy the best!!
Jean-Pierre
Jean-Pierre’s last blog post..Stop Smoking – Easy Way To Stop Smoking – How I did It
Oh yes. That is definitely the right way – BUT many of us don’t know which is the best to buy! As time goes by I’ll be talking about the programs / books that are useful and not the usual drivel. Mark
February 28th, 2008 at 9:24 pm
It's good to have a laugh about all the hype, etc. you have to go through on the learning curve to being successful online.
Blessings and Happy Trails,
robin
Robin's last blog post..Chocolate! Yes, (if it's the right chocolate) It Does Support Changing Your Life and Here's How.
Hi Robin, hopefully we can get through the hype and learning curve without spending too much in the wrong direction and getting caught up in some of the “less” honest “schemes” around. Thanks for your comment. Mark
February 29th, 2008 at 3:24 am
It’s good to have a laugh about all the hype, etc. you have to go through on the learning curve to being successful online.
Blessings and Happy Trails,
robin
Robin’s last blog post..Chocolate! Yes, (if it’s the right chocolate) It Does Support Changing Your Life and Here’s How.
Hi Robin, hopefully we can get through the hype and learning curve without spending too much in the wrong direction and getting caught up in some of the “less” honest “schemes” around. Thanks for your comment. Mark
February 29th, 2008 at 12:07 am
LOL! Really enjoyed your post Mark. How true this is for many of us, although I don't consider myself an idiot. Thanks for a good laugh…
Diana's last blog post..Flower Gardening Tips – Perennials
I'm sure most people don't take it to heart, but I find it good for amusement. Thanks for your comment. Mark
February 29th, 2008 at 6:07 am
LOL! Really enjoyed your post Mark. How true this is for many of us, although I don’t consider myself an idiot. Thanks for a good laugh…
Diana’s last blog post..Flower Gardening Tips – Perennials
I’m sure most people don’t take it to heart, but I find it good for amusement. Thanks for your comment. Mark