Just in time for Christmas – The Arbitrage Conspiracy is top on Homer’s Santa List.

It’s hardly surprising because he has no doubt received promotion after promotion over the last week or so.

Just like the latest toy promoted and adverised everywhere you look- you can’t open your email client without someone pushing The Arbitrage Conspiracy or Report.

Just in time for Christmas – many people will be spending their hard earned cash hoping this is the one that will finally give them the breakthrough they crave. Homer certainly is.

But here’s a bit of Christmas cheer from a grumpy old AntiHype:

• How many people will buy this?

• How many of those people understand the costs involved?

• How many of those people have factored in the upfront costs of buying the traffic?

• How many of those people have factored in the time lag between paying for the traffic and getting paid by the CPA networks they are sending the traffic to?

• How many of those people can afford to be out of pocket for 1-2 months?

• How many of those people have calculated the degree of competition – particularly bearing in mind the influx of new participants? – See above!

• How many of those people have figured out that if this is working so well for others why would they reveal their own markets / products and reduce their income by adding to the competition?

• How many of those people have figured out that the higher the competition the higher the advertising costs and the higher the risks and lower the profits?

But then what do I know?

Or perhaps a little bit of deeper research and thought rather than just believing the hype might not go amiss.

Perhaps I can convince Homer to be just a little more Scrooge like.

Bah, humbug

The AntiHype

© TheAntiHype for guru-fodder.com, 2008. | Permalink | 5 comments | Add to del.icio.us
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Michel Fortin will be livid – or so you’d think. His wife, Sylvie Fortin in bed with the Guru Fodder Homer!

Actually, he’s delighted.

Sylvie has just released a report Internet Marketing Sins in which she slates all of the tricks, scams and sales hype that poor old Homer has fallen for. Whether she consulted Homer is another matter, although I’m sure she would have appreciated his stripy pajamas had she met him really!

I’ve just finished reading the first 5 sins – there are 15 in all – and I have to say I wish I had written it. Yes, The Anti Hype is impressed!

The language is a little base at times and Sylvie doesn’t pull any punches.

The report slams into some of the tactics we’ve been highlighting at Guru Fodder for a long time. But also, dare I say it, she lays into the likes of Homer. Why? Because he spends money but does nothing.

You loyal followers will know that deep down I have a sly pop at poor old Homer but Sylvie has well and truly told him what for.

If he was still feeling the after effects of his hypnosis, his mind will be clear and racing after that!

Now, the cynic in me tells me that Sylvie is expecting sales of her products to follow in the wake of this report. She suggests the report does nothing to promote a product, which is true. But there are links to her excellent Success Chef sprinkled through the report. It does, however, stand on it’s own two feet. It’s a great read.

A while back I talked about “refunds” or rather the lack of refunds. What Sylvie has to say will make your hair stand on end.

Sylvie likes labels – and lists 15 of them. These are her Internet Marketing Sins.

The first, we dealt with here a few weeks ago in “The Forced Continuity Credit Card Dance”

Sylvie calls this one: Sleight of Hand Continuity. She talks about 3 methods, the 1st being acceptable, the 2nd questionable and the 3rd illegal.

Wow, how I wish I’d written this report! Or maybe Sylvie has been hanging out here and storing our thoughts for her Report!

Sidenote: Homer, close your eyes when you get to page 41, I think it’s aimed at you personally!

Have you ever fallen for the One Time Offer or Upsell Hell as Sylvie calls it? Read page 56. I told you there were no pulled punches!

I can’t go on. I have to tell you this.

You must get Internet Marketing Sins. It’s a free download, of course, and it is outstanding.

I could use the whole report as a basis of a comedy TV series featuring Homer & Marge. It would be hilarious BUT the sad thing is – all of this stuff is true. It is happening as we speak.

If you are Guru Fodder or feel for Homer you must get this report. It carries The AntiHype’s highest recommendation. If you’ve not read anything of the scrapes Homer gets into then you should read the report cover to cover before venturing out online alone again. You have been warned.

And if you enjoy reading Guru Fodder then you’ll love Internet Marketing Sins.

Get it now and sit back for a ride amongst the real Big Bad Gurus!

The Anti Hype

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© TheAntiHype for guru-fodder.com, 2008. | Permalink | 12 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: Bad Gurus, guru fodder, homer, internet marketing, internet marketing sins, Michel Fortin, Sales Hype, Sylvie Fortin, The Anti Hype
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You know I’ve unsubscribed from more lists than most people have ever signed up to.

And yet somehow, someone, somewhere still thinks it is essential I buy into Stompernet.

I’m sure this flooding of inboxes with reminders of it’s imminent relaunch, the bonuses, the time is running out, the countdown, the I’m so successful because of.. – must work or it wouldn’t happen but PLEASE…

GIVE ME A BREAK

I know this isn’t officially email spam because I did double opt-in but let me ask you this…

Did you give your email address to your friends? Was there some unwritten rule that you would communicate about certain issues and not others? Did that include giving your friends the right to pitch you on anything that might make you some money?

I don’t think so. So when I give my details to some guy to get some information about graphics for blogs, I haven’t given him or her the right to pitch me about list building, money making opportunities or scratching my back with a platinum plated stick!!

In my sales background I was taught to find out what the customer wanted and to fulfill that need.

Not a hard concept to grasp. Customer comes into restaurant. Must be hungry. Sell food! He probably doesn’t want a bicycle pump!

MR BIG SHOT AFFILIATE PRODUCT PEDDLAR – I’M SHOUTING AT YOU

“Just because I once signed up to a list of yours that offered a solution to a problem I had at the time it does not mean I wish to bombarded with emails about every product you hear about that might make you some money”

Most of you have just lost me for life.

You need to go back to basics guys. The hardest part of any business is finding a customer. Once you have one, treat them with respect, treat them as a person not some faceless clown or a meal ticket.

Stompernet may be outstanding. I have no idea and I’m not going to find out because you lot have alienated me to it.

Am I cutting off my AntiHype nose to spite my face with this?

Does anyone else feel the same way?

I am sick of being pitched the same thing 10, 20, 30 times a day – and when those pitches come thick and fast from guys I previously respected…

I’m off to ask Homer his opinion!

The Anti Hype

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© TheAntiHype for guru-fodder.com, 2008. | Permalink | 14 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: email pitches, email spam, stompernet, unwanted marketing pitches
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Homer Wants An Ice-Cream

Sitting at his PC, adorned as always in his perfectly ironed pseudo satin pajamas, Homer heard the distant chimes of the Ice Cream Man’s Van.

Could he afford the time away from the world he inhabited? The cut and thrust of the Make Money Online the Bad Guru way? Surely, 2 minutes wouldn’t be a problem.

He called to his adoring wife “Marge, I want an ice-cream”

“Get it yourself” came the loving reply, for Marge had frankly lost interest in Homer and his desires.

And so began the sad, sad story of Homer and the Ice Cream Vendor.

The Ice Cream Vendor Mantra – Don’t Move The Van Until You Sell Something

Hiding the smirk from his face (the sight of Homer in his pajamas is not one for sore eyes) the Ice Cream man launched into his sales patter…

“It’s your lucky day – I’m giving away Ice Cream today, you just have to buy the cone”

“So it’s a large cone for you is it sir?”

“Now before you go, if you buy another ice cream (full price) you can have all five in my range – vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, tutti-frutti and passion fruit and mango”

“What do you mean “no thanks I’ll pass on that offer – I know I’ll only ever be asked this once?”

“Now before you go…”

He was begining to sound repetitive and somewhat like some guys we all know.

“…if you buy 5 out of my range, you’ll get them for the price of 1″

Even to poor old Homer, hardened by the daily online pitching he subjected himself to, he saw this was going to end in tears. He only wanted one ice-cream and Marge hated the stuff. He watched as the melting vanilla ice-dream dribbled down the side of his cornet and the ice-cream man launched into his final pitch…

“Look, you cannot lose. You have my 30 day, money back guarantee. This is a never to be repeated offer. You take your pick from my catalog of top-selling ice-creams. You get the 5 for the price of one deal. Pay a little more and you get chocolate chips, strawberry sprinkles, raspberry sauce, chocolate sauce, maple syrup, jelly diamonds and I’ll throw in two chocolate flakes as my extra special fast action bonus.”

Now that sounded like a Homer deal.

And then the clincher…

“Sign up today and I’ll be back every week with more. All you need to do is complete this recurring credit card payment voucher and…”

Marge Is Not Amused

“Homer, you’ve been in there for two hours. What is the matter?”

Emerging from the bathroom looking slightly green and decidedly drawn Homer still managed to exude the look of someone pleased with themselves.

“Marge, you won’t believe the deal I’ve just done” he screeched triumphantly.

“I think I might” mumbled the less than amused Marge, picking a red, maple syrup stained jelly diamond from off the collar of his now crumpled pajama jacket.

“I’ve arranged delivery of ice-cream every week for a year – no more looking for loose change – it’s all on recurring credit card payments, we get 5 for the price of one and every topping you can imagine”

“Homer, you went out for a small vanilla cone! You’ve been taken in again – you’ve bought stuff you don”t need, stuff you don’t like and stuff you’ll never use AND you’ve agreed to pay monthly for all this stuff with a guy you’ve never seen before and in all likelihood will never see again. Did you get his contact details or his van’s registration number?”

Marge, was becoming very experienced!

“He didn’t have any contact details and I was in such a rush to make sure I got everything he was offering, it just kept coming at me thick and fast and I didn’t want to miss anything and when I looked up the van was gone.”

Marge raised her bushy eyebrows – her days of making herself look her best for Homer had disappeared shortly after the Pyramid Selling fiasco in Egypt – and she sat at Homer’s PC to ask someone, somewhere to beam Homer up – somewhere!! And there was the sales pitch…

The free product, the OK take your pick from my range, buy this, I’ll add that, what about this, and a few of those – it mirrored the Ice Cream man’s pitch. Was the ice cream man really a Bad Guru?

Homer’s hard drive was so clogged up with stuff he didn’t want, didn’t need but it was free, cheap, not to be missed, a One Time Offer, an OK so you can’t afford it but here’s a discount offer and if you get that I’ll throw in my bonus pack. It looked just like that mess of an ice cream he came in with a few hours ago!

Marge thought it was all bull.

And it was just at that point Marge had her idea.

… to be continued. Don’t miss out on Marge’s idea. Sign up to the Guru-Fodder RSS feed above.

The Anti Hype

P.S. This post was inspired by a real life “pitch” I received only this week!

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photo credit: david.nikonvscanon

© TheAntiHype for guru-fodder.com, 2008. | Permalink | 8 comments | Add to del.icio.us
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Phil was brought to my attention by our long suffering friend Homer.

Once again Homer thinks he has found the pot of gold and the “no work” easy answer but I fear the worst.

YOU WILL ALREADY KNOW PHIL, or someone very much like him. We know them as Bad Gurus. Phil has one objective in life – fill his ClickBank account. A very worthy objective – provided it is not done at the expense of someone elses dreams and aspirations.

Enter Homer.

Homer, you’ll know by now loves the illusion of the internet lifestyle:

• expensive houses
• fast cars
• Marge (she used to be a fast women, allegedly)
• boats
• international travel
• flexible working hours
• cash on demand

He is, however, still torn between working in his pajamas or underpants. He has read conflicting sales letters and is currently erring towards long johns with a pajama jacket. Kinda likes to hedge his bets.

He still believes, despite the thousands he has spend on manuals, e-books, e-courses, podcasts, seminars, software, mentors, not to mention night attire, that there is one hidden method where riches will fall into his pajama clad lap without any work being necessary.

On his endless quest this week he responded to an email from one of the 98,343 lists he has subscribed to, and bought:

“Scarlet Pimpernel Marketing”

The Sales Letter

The usual heart wrenching story of the orphan, born with one leg shorter than the other. For this poor unfortunate soul the problem was compounded because his other leg was also longer!

With no guide in early life he fell into a life of depravity and spent 20 years of his teenage years in and out of institutions. Math was never his strong point.

Fortunately he learned to tell a good tale and made some great friends along the way – read any of the testimonials!

Despite his background he miraculously stumbled across a method of making money online that until today has been kept secret.

It is time that Phil McLikbanck, for that is his name, repaid the world and helped everyone else now he has made his fortune as evidenced by the blurred out images of Paypal Accounts and Clickbank statements . The blurring is so good there are no names ( Data Protection issues), no amounts, the bank wouldn’t like it and no numbers of visitors, Google wouldn’t like it. But the evidence is plain for all to see.

So Scarlet Pimpernel Marketing is a must for anyone starting out, regardless of background. Sign up today for the immediate discount (it can be removed at any time naturally) and by tea and muffin time tomorrow you’ll be sitting in your good old jimmyjams watching the money roll in.

The risk is all Phil McLikbanck’s of course. If you’re not a millionaire within 28 days there’s a 100% refund, no questions asked.

A click swipe of Homers forehead chip and the deal was done.

“Marge, Marge” a frustrated Homer calls to his long suffering wife. How do I download this Scarlet Pimpernel Marketing manual? Maybe it’s too big to get through the telephone line. They were promising a massive package.

An email was received thanking Homer for the purchase and telling him to log in using the User Name and Password already emailed. Never received and no contact details on the sales page to chase up.

Marge suggests he responds to the email. Doesn’t work – just an auto-responder message with no mailbox attached. Fortunately, within minutes another email arrives promoting the must have accompaning product for Scarlet Pimpernel Marketing – The online Sherlock Holmes Tracker device. While waiting to find the login details Homer decides he needs to take advantage of this never to be repeated offer.

28 days have since passed and still Homer has not downloaded Scarlet Pimpernel Marketing. He has been unable to contact Phil McLikbanck despite the best efforts of the Sherlock Holmes Tracker device, which seeks him here, it seeks him there, but Homer is sure he’ll fulfil his obligation under the money back guarantee, even though the guarantee period has ended – he seems such a nice guy, particularly with his poor background.

It must be just a technical fault because he still keeps in touch by email about other products. In fact he’s just about to launch Claret Pimpernel Marketing. Very similar but updated to encompass the change on Google, Yahoo, Alexa ranking issues.

Homer will buy it no doubt!

The Conclusion

Phil McLikbanck has fallen into the trap of expensive lifestyle, houses, cars, personal pyjama tailor, typical online guru stuff.

He has no long term sustainable business so has to do a big launch / re-launch to generate big cash flow. He has and shows no care for his customers, to him they are just guru fodder and cLikbanck (sic) fillers.

Homer, is clutching at his dream and loves to believe the solution is the next credit card entry away. If he would just stop buying and act on just one of the programs he has already bought he would see what he needs to do – Take Action!

As long as there are Homers there will be Phils!

Beware, there may be a Phil near you.

The characters in this post are, of course, fictional and none of this would happen in real life… or would it?

The Anti Hype

Thanks to Randy at Internet Starting Steps for inspiring this post

Tags: badgurus, scarlet pimpernel marketing, internet marketing, humor, humour, The Anti Hype, guru fodder

© TheAntiHype for guru-fodder.com, 2008. | Permalink | 6 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: Bad Gurus, guru fodder, humor, Humour, internet marketing, Scarlet Pimpernel Marketing, The Anti Hype
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Just when I thought I’d unsubscribed from all the lists I needed to I received 6, yes SIX emails, all saying EXACTLY the same thing but all from different sources.

Now you may think I’m a true guru sceptic but I cannot believe that any letter can produce a 100% response. It may have if you struck lucky and the first person to read it bought!

Now, I openly admit I didn’t really read the emails but basically all of the promoters, who just copied and pasted the email no doubt, are stating that this timeless classic is a true masterpiece and only a few lucky individuals will get to own it. EXCUSE ME but during the course of the next few months I can guarantee that every wannabee guru will be using it in one guise or another and it will be available for all and sundry to copy anyway!

Why would I want to buy something that by its very definition cannot exist?

Have I been taken in? I don’t think so – every person has their own way of assessing a situation, evaluating a proposition and making a decision. Will every person be mesmerised by this wonderous sales letter? Let’s say they were…

Will every person be in a position to buy whatever is being sold? If they don’t have the funds they will not buy. The 100% is looking shaky. But let’s assume the hypnotic copy renders all attempts not to buy useless and they reach for their credit card anyway…

The letter is then clearly black magic and should be banned. It could fall into the wrong hands and anyone could be made to do anything.

So, I’m sorry to say this one falls at the first hurdle for me. I don’t believe a 100% conversion exists.

The Anti Hype

© TheAntiHype for guru-fodder.com, 2008. | Permalink | No comment | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: anti hype, guru fodder, guru sceptics, Sales Hype, The Anti Hype
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